i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
