I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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