Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
