I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
