I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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