We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
