he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
