oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
