While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
