you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
