absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
