The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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