I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
