All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
