Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
