Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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