I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
