Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize