so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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