Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
