The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
third nipple confirmed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
