sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
