Only a mothe r could love this liver
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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