I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
