mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
