I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize