woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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