U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
