Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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