Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
