they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
