I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
