By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
