Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
