She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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