I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
