Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
