First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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