just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
