it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
