Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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