You smell like stripper and shame
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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