i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
