I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
