wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
