I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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