I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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