sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
