he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
