Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
