He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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