ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
