My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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