I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
