Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
