she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
