As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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