i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
