I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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