she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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