Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
