Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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