Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
