The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthdayâ€
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
