those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
