Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Send help, water and tortillas.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
