I cockslap morals
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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