No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
