Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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