everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
