Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
