So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
