pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
