Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
