You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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