so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
